Monday 30th June 2025
Today is my 23rd birthday – happy birthday to me!
I always imagine my birthday to be this magical, joyful, life-affirming day. The kind of day where everything feels different in the best way; where I wake up glowing with gratitude, feel deeply connected to myself, and breeze through the hours surrounded by love, laughter, and lightness.
But honestly? The reality rarely matches the expectation.
This past weekend has been full of beautiful moments: dinner and drinks with friends, a BBQ with some of my favourite people, family staying over, and even a sunny day off work to soak it all in. I’ve truly been spoiled and loved. But despite all of that, today I just feel… meh.
It’s confusing and frustrating, especially considering how far I’ve come in managing my symptoms lately. I really thought this birthday would feel different – lighter, freer, more celebratory. But the truth is, birthdays are a massive trigger for my DPDR, and this time of year inevitably intensifies those feelings.
There’s something about the pressure I put on myself, to have a good time, to feel something magical, to be present and grateful and fully “in it”, that ends up making it nearly impossible to relax. I get caught in a cycle of trying to force joy, which never works, and then beating myself up for not being able to just enjoy the moment. The harder I try, the more disconnected I feel.
And yet, when I zoom out, I know I have so much to be grateful for. I have an amazing support system, a job I genuinely love, passions and hobbies that light me up, and a life that I’m proud of. But when the spotlight turns onto me for one day, it’s like all that joy gets buried under the weight of expectation.
So, if you’re someone who also finds birthdays a little heavier than they look from the outside, you’re not alone. Maybe this post isn’t the typical “birthday glow-up” post, but it’s a real one. And maybe that’s worth just as much.Here’s to being 23. Here’s to growth – the messy, nonlinear kind. And here’s to learning how to hold space for joy and discomfort, even on the days we thought would be picture-perfect.
All my love to you all,
Kate xo
Mostly Kate 