As a child, I was never too fussed about the idea of going travelling. I liked my routine too much. Waking up each day in the same bed, in the same house, with the same people, it felt safe, familiar, and grounding.
Later, in my late teens and early twenties, as I learned more about my DPDR, I began to understand why routine meant so much to me. My attachment to the familiar wasn’t just about comfort, it was about keeping my ‘spaced out’ symptoms at bay. Any kind of change made me feel unsafe, raised my stress levels, and dialled up my symptoms. So, I avoided change at all costs.
But when I was 18, I began a beautiful relationship. It was a breath of fresh air compared to the ones I’d had in my teens. He was my best friend, and he made me feel safe and carefree. We’d talk for hours about travelling, seeing the world, and exploring different cultures. Those conversations helped me realise that I did want to do those things, I was just scared. Scared that DPDR would get in the way. That I wouldn’t be able to feel any of it, and it would end up being a waste of time and money.
But he helped me overcome that fear. And together, we booked a trip to Europe! Three months in Spain, France, Italy and Croatia.
I was, of course, super excited, but understandably anxious too. The idea of not having a daily routine was daunting. We wanted to see as much as possible, which meant staying in each place for just one or two nights, a lot of moving around. I really did try to go with the flow, but I also knew my limits. So I made an itinerary. I needed to know where we’d be sleeping each night and what we’d be doing each day. I wasn’t going to let go of control completely overnight!
That trip began right after I’d made the decision to stop obsessing over “fixing” my DPDR and started learning how to live with it. So I tried to embrace every moment.
Did I achieve that perfectly? Nope.
Did my symptoms hit an all-time high? Yep.
Was I still able to enjoy the experience and make incredible memories? Oh, absolutely!
It was a dreamy three months of sun, sea, food (so much good food!), and amazing people. And it changed my life. I realised I didn’t have to be afraid of change. In fact, sometimes embracing it does you a whole lot of good.
I took thousands of photos, little time capsules that help me remember how I felt (or didn’t feel) in each moment. There are parts of the trip I don’t remember clearly, or that feel distant and dreamlike. But I know they happened. I was there. I lived it, even if it didn’t always feel that way at the time.
And when we got home? I couldn’t wait to go again.
“I’ve got the travel bug!” I told everyone. But really, what I’d realised was this: I only get one life, and I deserve to live it. Change isn’t always the enemy. And I can survive without a strict routine to keep me grounded.
Below are some photos of that trip – I hope they inspire you to try something scary.
Kate x
Mostly Kate 