Thursday 12th June 2025:
When you don’t feel real, it’s hard to feel heard. And for a long time, I wasn’t.
I lived with symptoms of Depersonalisation and Derealisation Disorder (DPDR) for most of my life without having a name for it. I was dismissed, misdiagnosed and misunderstood, not because anyone meant harm, but because DPDR is still so widely overlooked, even in mental health spaces.
Looking back, the signs were there. I would say things like “I don’t know who I am” even as a toddler. I was unsettled by mirrors and photos of myself because I didn’t recognise who I was looking at. As a teenager, I felt like I was living in a dream or a simulation, the world looked familiar, but I was disconnected from it. It was terrifying.
And yet… no one mentioned DPDR.
I was diagnosed with anxiety. Then depression.
Both were present, but they weren’t the full picture. They didn’t explain why I couldn’t connect to my own body, or why life felt like I was watching it through glass. They didn’t explain why I questioned my existence daily.
The scary part is, most of the professionals I spoke to hadn’t even heard of DPDR. And the few who had, didn’t really know how to recognise it, let alone treat it.
I felt invisible inside an invisible illness.
It wasn’t until I started therapy and began talking more openly about my symptoms that the puzzle pieces started to come together. My therapist, who was incredibly supportive, didn’t initially know much about DPDR either, but we learned about it together. That process alone was validating. Finally, someone was listening.
Later, I sought out a diagnosis through the Depersonalisation Clinic in London, where I was officially diagnosed with Depersonalisation-Derealisation Disorder and depression. For the first time, everything made sense. I had a name for what I’d been feeling. It was real. I was real.
But here’s the thing:
I shouldn’t have had to dig so hard to find the right words.
No one should.
Why DPDR Gets Missed
DPDR often hides behind other conditions, anxiety, depression, PTSD, OCD, because it is often connected to them. But it’s also its own disorder, and it needs to be treated and understood that way.
People with DPDR are often told:
- “You’re just overthinking.”
- “You need to ground yourself more.”
- “Everyone feels weird sometimes.”
And while those statements might come from a well-meaning place, they’re incredibly invalidating. DPDR is not just feeling “a bit off.” It is a chronic, persistent, protective response to trauma or overwhelming stress. It is disconnection at its most extreme. And it can destroy a person’s ability to enjoy life.
Transient vs Chronic Dissociation
Almost everyone will experience transient dissociation at some point in their life. It’s actually a natural defence mechanism, the brain’s way of protecting us when we’re under extreme stress. Think of someone who’s just been in an accident or received shocking news; they might describe feeling numb, disconnected, like things were happening in slow motion or that it all felt like a dream. Sometimes, people say they “weren’t really there” or can’t remember parts of what happened. That’s dissociation in action, and in those situations, it often passes once the shock wears off.
But for some, that disconnected feeling doesn’t go away. That’s when it becomes chronic dissociation – a persistent state where we feel cut off from ourselves, our surroundings, or both. It stops being just a momentary response to stress and starts becoming part of daily life. Chronic dissociation can make everyday experiences feel dreamlike, unreal, or emotionally flat, even when there’s no immediate trauma happening.
What I Wish More Professionals Knew
- DPDR is not rare, it’s under-diagnosed.
- Patients might not use the “right” language to describe it – many say things like “I feel like I’m not here” or “nothing feels real,” not knowing there’s a clinical name for it.
- It often starts young – especially in people who’ve experienced trauma or chronic stress.
- There is no cure, but with the right support, people can manage and recover from it.
If You’re Being Dismissed — Keep Going
If you’re reading this and feel like you’ve been misdiagnosed or not taken seriously:
You are not crazy. You are not alone. And you deserve answers.
Talk about your symptoms. Write them down. Bring them to your doctor, your therapist, or anyone you trust. If they don’t listen, find someone else who will.
You know your mind better than anyone else.
Don’t stop until you feel seen.
With love and understanding,
Kate x
Mostly Kate 