Sunday 26th July 2026
For years DPDR has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever lived with. It’s terrifying, confusing and, at times, completely consuming. Even now, after years of understanding it and learning how to manage it, there are still days when it catches me off guard. Certain situations still make the symptoms spike, and when they do, I have to work hard to ground myself again.
So no, I don’t think DPDR is a gift. But I don’t view it as something that ONLY ever takes from me. There are times I can use it to my advantage.
One of the bizarre things about DPDR is the disconnect it creates between my mind and my body. Normally, anxiety comes with physical symptoms: a racing heart, shaking hands, a tight chest, nausea. They’re uncomfortable, and they often convince us that we’re in danger. When my DPDR is present, I sometimes become so disconnected from my body that those physical sensations feel muted. It’s almost as though my brain turns the volume down. Now, I wouldn’t recommend developing a dissociative disorder as an anxiety management technique! But when I find myself in situations that genuinely scare me, I’ve realised I can sometimes lean into that numbness rather than fight it. I still feel the fear mentally, but my body doesn’t always shout quite so loudly.
For me, the biggest impact of DPDR is questioning reality. There was a time in my life when I experienced some very negative and frankly dangerous thoughts. About how “nothing is real” and “if i die I’ll just wake back up again, like in a video game or a dream”. Everything felt so dreamlike, it was hard not to question the authenticity of my life. Luckily in my experience, I was able to recognise these thoughts as fiction made up as a result of my DPDR symptoms, not facts. That distinction mattered. It allowed me to seek reassurance, keep myself safe and remind myself that thoughts don’t become true simply because they feel convincing.
And somewhere along the line I shifted the focus. I honed in on the reality of how fragile and finite life really is. I reminded myself over and over again that I only get one life and I should live it! We’re tiny humans living on a floating rock, surrounded by rules that, for the most part, are social constructs we’ve created together.
So why shouldn’t I travel alone? Why shouldn’t I start a blog? Why shouldn’t I sing in front of strangers? Why should I let embarrassment, judgement or fear stop me from doing the things that make me happy?
But of course, in order to do all of those wonderful things, I had to be brave! I had to put myself in the position to do them in the first place. But as an anxious, people pleasing overthinker, that was not easy. Which, again, is where my little superpower came in handy.
If there’s a superpower here, it isn’t DPDR itself. It’s resilience. It’s learning to keep showing up despite living in a world that sometimes doesn’t feel real. It’s choosing courage over fear. It’s finding humour in the absurdity of being human. It’s taking one of the hardest experiences of my life and refusing to let it define me. I wouldn’t choose DPDR; if someone offered to take it away tomorrow, I’d say yes without hesitation. But while it’s here, I’m choosing to look for the lessons alongside the struggles. Because sometimes, surviving something difficult gives you strengths you never expected to have. And maybe… that’s the closest thing to a superpower there is.
All my love, Kate x
Mostly Kate 